Who said anything about produce?

Hear the music, and get down with your carrot self. Check out the website www.incurable-allure.com

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Podcast 1B

Yes, Podcast 1B is finally out. And this time, there was planning involved.

My goal is to bang out 2-3 podcasts every month (from now on), and for each podcast I will write, perform, and record an original poem, story, and song.

As always, they will lean more towards the absurd side, the ridiculous, the abstract, and of course, the weird.

Podcast 1B focuses on the soundscape and its influence on life. The narration is calm, collected, and bumped up an octave.
I do hope you enjoy it.

If you've not yet subscribed,
you can do so by clicking here:


And now...

The top 10 reasons you should check out The Incurable Allure of Carrots Podcast:

10. You're not about to die like this.

9. it's incurably alluring

8. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish.

7. Beaver

6. Jesus told me to

5. Electronic Tuba is almost as good as the real thing.

4. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

3. It's a welcome change from the monotony of compulsively checking your e-mail, facebook, or myspace account.

2. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

1. Forty Two.


There you have it. The choice is yours.

-AP

as always, comments are welcome.
Aaron@collaboraction.org

Friday, December 29, 2006

Purple is Gone


So, you may or may not care. You may or may not even know him. But, I feel the need to inform the world that Purple is, in fact, gone.
From Chicago, that is.

Yes, my sister and I drove him to O'Hare Airport Tuesday morning, and as far as I know he wasn't arrested or anything, (though I wouldn't be surprised.)

The long and short of it- it wasn't working out for him monetarily, so to speak, and he had to back ten and punt. Now he's in Ft. Worth, Texas. Yes, that's right, the revolutionary Communist has gone back to Texas, where he grew up. (I know, it has us all mystified.)

I've gotten over my grieving period, and am in the process of searching for another roommate, for, although I could pay all the rent myself, I would prefer not to live alone at this stage in my life. It's boring and depressing, and I don't like being bored and depressed. It sucks.
So, now you know the skinny on my situation. As for that podcast I keep meaning to do, it'll probably be a little longer in the coming. It's alot harder to do a podcast by yourself once your co-host has all but been destroyed.
So, more interesting posts to come, but for what it's worth, here's Purple.

Friday, December 22, 2006

GLOBAL ORGASM DAY!

Yes, it's true, folks. Friday, December 22 is Global Orgasm Day.

To get the skinny on this (so to speak), check out
http://www.globalorgasm.org/

So their goal is a bit new-agey for me, but I'm all for their implementation of it.
The idea is that everyone on the planet has an orgasm, either private or with an other(s), and in doing so the world is made a more harmonious place. Whoopee.

But I think this is a good idea though. I mean, if everyone stopped worrying for just one day, stopped selling crap for Christmas, stopped doing business, stopped blowing each other up, stopped arguing, etc., and just took a day for sex and masturbation, it might improve everyone's general outlook.
So, tomorrow (I guess technically today), do yourself and the world a favor: have an orgasm.
(I mean, honestly, how often can you help the world by ejaculating? Better do it while you can.)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Projections for the future (we all know these are true... I mean, come on, people)

Ok, first, I want to say, if you haven't listened to the podcast yet, wait. Another one is coming very soon. I just got a new computer and the previous podcast was pretty crappy (gimme a fuckin break, it was my first one!) so I'm recording a new one as soon as I get my mic hooked up and I figure out how the hell to record something. Otherwise it'll all be read by a computer voice, which might actually be kind of cool now that I think about it...

Anyways, here goes.

PROJECTIONS FOR THE FUTURE:

1. Outdoor streets will soon be a thing of the past in large cities. Anyone seen "iRobot?" or read anything else by Isaac Asimov, for that matter? Yeah. Streets are history. Here's what's gonna happen--
In large cities, such as my beloved home of Chicago, Illinois, there's no more room to build. As the years go on, and expansion continues, high rises will begin to grow together, branching out over the crowded city streets, and in the end covering them all together. It's already starting to happen in New York, Seattle, Chicago, and Des Moines (what the hell?)
I don't know why the hell Des Moines is doing this, but hey, we all loved the little engine that could, right?

2. THE ICE CAPS ARE MELTING, PEOPLE!
It's true, and if you don't believe it, fucking step outside. It's the middle of December and it's 60 degrees. Doesn't that seem a little wrong to you?
I understand I'm in the midwest, and yes, the weather here is erratic, but fuck, we're all gonna die.
Ok, maybe not die, but lots of other animals will. The polar regions will continue to get warmer, making it impossible for the phytoplankton and zooplankton that feed the majority of the animals in the arctic and antarctic regions to continue living. Their consumers will perish, and suddenly no one can find any polar bears.

Also, floating ice melting means water levels rising elsewhere. I'm not just talking about New York and Florida. If you have a condo in Venice, sell it.
Appalachia will become the new coast on the east, and everyone in southern California's gonna have to move east to the mountains, but Reno and Las Vegas will be underwater, so they'll be bored, except for the rich eccentrics who've already planned for this sort of thing, and are living in an underwater hotel in what used to be the desert. Right.

3. Life will be discovered on other planets.
Ok, so this one's on the list more out of hope than anything else. But I can back it up.
Life's not actually going to be discovered on another planet, it's going to be discovered on a moon. A moon, mind you, that is of comparable size to Earth.
And where, you ask, does such a moon exist?
around all of the Gassy Giants, doofus.
But the one I happen to be talking about is Europa, which orbits Jupiter.
Europa, Jupiter's 6th moon, is the smoothest object in the solar system. It's surface, we think, is made of sheets of ice (this is the quick "get to know Europa", mind you) and underneath that ice is believed to be a subsurface ocean. And as we all know, where there's water, there's life.
Europa was pretty important to NASA during the Galileo hype. It flew by, took lots of pictures, and did top secret things we'll never know about. Yeah.But really, Europa is the logical next step in the search for life in our solar system. I'm not the only one excited about it. Check out:
http://www.resa.net/nasa/europa_life.htm
or, if you just want to learn about the lovely moon,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Europa_%28moon%29

4.CAPITALISM WILL FUCK US ALL UP THE ASS!
Ok, I can't say that I like it, but I can see it coming. So unless someone invents a better form of government, and finds a means to impose it on the world's greedy, we're all fucked.
for this prediction, I refer to a book by Max Berry.
This book is called Jennifer Government, and I beleive it paints a fairly realistic picture of the world to come in about 50 years if we don't all get up off our asses and do something about this goddamn product driven world.
Jennifer Government was pretty popular with the nerds and the techies. In fact, a whole online community called NATION STATES grew up around it.
http://www.nationstates.net/The idea is that in the not too distant future, government has pretty much collapsed to the point that it serves about as much function as the royalty in Britain.
Taxes have been abolished, and corporations rule the world. Yikes.
Everyone has a job, which stands for their last name, and provides their means for existence.
i.e., if I worked for say, Intel, my name would be "Aaron Intel", and if I was fired they could legally have me executed. Doubleplus Yikes.
Anyways, the point I'm driving at is, if America and it's big allies continue to make people believe that everything can be solved with money, we might as well tattoo the barcodes on our foreheads right now.

and finally...

5. THE EGGNOG IN THE BACK OF MY FRIDGE WILL FINALLY EVOLVE INTO A SENTIENT LIFE FORM, AND KILL MY ROOMMATE
It's true. The shit's been in there for nearly a year. See, I thought he'd just bought it, because you know, it's holiday time, right? Eggnog, yay.
Turns out no. It's the eggnog I bought last year, and it's been incubating there, behind the stuffing and corn salad for over 12 months. I'm amazed the smell didn't tip us off, in fact, it appears to be odorless, which can only mean one thing. It's learned how to use deodorant.
We're screwed. We really are. Because, while I'm away for the holidays, that Nog is going to rear it's ugly head and smite Purple (my roommate) when he leasts expects it. I'm only glad I escaped in time. I tried to call and warn him, but I guess El Nog-o Del Diablo has cut the lines.
So, when I return to Chicago on the 23rd, (which happens to be my birthday), and find Purple hanging from the window with all the blood drained from his body, I'll know who did it.
Nog, if you can read this, listen up. I'm comin' after you, fucker.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors

10. Roommate
9. Plankton
8. Gang Bang
7. French horn
6. Koala
5. Grandma
4. Elvis Costello
3. Tire Swing
2. AIDS
1. Detroit

The Super Bowl Mumble

This is a little ditty I recorded along with Yuri Lane in association with our friend Jeff Ruby for Chicago Magazine. That's me on Tuba and backup vocals.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

The world has decided to rape me tonight

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ok... Now our Podcast works. I think.


Ok, so I think we've finally got it to work.
If you want to listen to us (and we hope you do)
Here's whatcha gotta do:

-Open up good 'ol itunes
-Click on the "Advanced" menu bar at the top
-Click "Subscribe to Podcast

-and in the little box it gives you, paste this:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/HKvN

Then Click OK.

That'll subscribe you to The Incurable Allure of Carrots, Podcast 1A

This week (our first) has purple and I conversing (like we do). We also read the death scene from "Othello" (I'm Desdemona), and he tells a story about a small horse while The Internationale plays.

I do hope you enjoy it. There will be much more to come as the weeks roll on. Please subscribe!
And if you like it... let us know!
E-mail me at Aaron@collaboraction.org

Monday, December 04, 2006

Podcast 1A


Yes!
It's true!

Purple and I finally have a podcast.

It's very interesting, you should check it out.

You can subscribe to it here:

The Incurable allure of Carrots
...until I figure out the logistics of everything and make it easier. Go there. It'll hook you up.

All the best,
-Aaroneous

Friday, December 01, 2006

Everyone loves the Flu!

Or maybe it was Raymond... I get that mixed up sometimes.

So anyways, I ventured home for the giving of thanks last weekend, and on friday went to the doctor to recieve my yearly flu shot. I told myself that this year I absolutely had to get one, because last year I didn't, and I got the fucking flu... which sucked major yak dick.
The flu escalated and soon I found myself with Mono and Pneumonia as well. I pretty much lost two weeks of my life. I watched a grand total of 42-1/2 movies (mostly strange art flicks), but don't really remember any of them too well, because I was doped up on codeine for most of the time. I vomited copiously, and the only thing I could stomach was "Slim-Fast!", which I got real tired of real quick, but it stayed down.
I missed my birthday (dec. 23), all of chanukkah, and new years. The sun rose on January 1st, 2006, and I thought I was still in middle school.
But I made it out alive.

So, as I was saying, this year, got my flu shot on friday, I'm driving back to Chicago on Monday and I feel like shit. It turns out that you can get the flu from a flu shot. Doesn't usually happen, but it can.

So I recieved the very thing that I paid $25 to prevent. Woohoo!
So what if I'm bitter? You fuckers are healthy, and know nothing of my anguish. The only thing good about this is that if I want to watch "Wallace and Gromit" 500 times in a row, I fucking can.