Podcast 2B, The Six Easy Steps

In this podcast-
-Percy Bysshe Shelley is Bitchin'!
-A chicken powered computer...
-Flies discuss philosophy...
-Learn how to breakdance. (that's the "six easy steps")
-The Super Bowl Mumble (go bears)
-and of course, more of the funky Tuba that you've been asking for.

Check it out! Podcast 2B, The Six Easy Steps

My Odeo Channel (odeo/ac9014eb50428c01)

I am not what you think I once are

So, in my inebriation this evening, I decided to walk the line.
Enjoy, you crazies...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Zuno, Conqueror of the deep. All shall fear me or be stupid bastards.
Birthday:	1492, whilst sailing the ocean, blue.
Birthplace:	West of the Mississippi. That's all that matters, really.
Current Location:	Lower Mesopotamia
Eye Color:	Water
Hair Color:	Lion
Height:	6'0
Right Handed or Left Handed:	What do you call a deer that uses both hooves equally? Bambidextrous
Your Heritage:	Amoeba
The Shoes You Wore Today:	The same thing we do every night, Pinky, try to take over the world
Your Weakness:	Swedish Baronesses... and thumbtacks
Your Fears:	Whalers, and the occasional shark
Your Perfect Pizza:	Krill, lots of Krill. But no anchovies.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Master gravity. But that probably won't happen.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	What is this "Instant Messenger" you speak of? It's instant, you say? Perhaps this could be of use to us...
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Oh shitballs- I gotta piss
Your Best Physical Feature:	My 12-foot long prehensile tail
Your Bedtime:	1974
Your Most Missed Memory:	it's gone. I can't find it.
Pepsi or Coke:	Urine
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Greenland
Single or Group Dates:	Basmati
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Smurf Cum
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Strawberry Rhubarb
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Trout
Do you Smoke:	when on fire, yes
Do you Swear:	Fuck
Do you Sing:	yes. Sometimes when I'm on fire I sing my swears.
Do you Shower Daily:	On some days
Have you Been in Love:	I love marine mammals
Do you want to go to College:	not tomorrow morning, I don't
Do you want to get Married:	yes, immediately... NOW
Do you belive in yourself:	Who's Aaron? I don't know any Aaron...
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Fuck off
Do you think you are Attractive:	Do Monkeys dream?
Are you a Health Freak:	perhaps a healthy freak...
Do you get along with your Parents:	I have no parents. I reproduce by mitosis.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	A-rip roarin' holler!
Do you play an Instrument:	Yes, many. My favorite of which being the Tuba.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	aye
In the past month have you Smoked:	I cought fire yesterday. The burns are healing.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No. I would never do such a thing. How dare you ask such a thing. Shame on you.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Tomorrow I'm scheduled for Tea with the Queen at 4.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	What's a mall?
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No, but let me tell you about where I stand on foreign policy...
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	um... yes, we'll call it "sushi"
In the past month have you been on Stage:	I don't ever do anything like that. People frighten me.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Never spend the night in a garbage can. It only ends badly.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	I'm always skinny dipping.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	the fires from a thousand suns
Ever been Drunk:	that's just a stupid question
Ever been called a Tease:	tag, you're it.
Ever been Beaten up:	yes. Usually by my self
Ever Shoplifted:	Only when I'm feeling really strong
How do you want to Die:	I will never die, I will merely keep dividing until all the sugar in the bottle is gone, then I will be consumed in a fiery night of passion, and maybe get laid.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	22 feet. I still got some growing to do.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Zanzibar, to meet the Zanzibarbarians
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	black
Favourite Hair Color:	scilia aren't really a color
Short or Long Hair:	very, very short
Height:	(actually, length) 80-100 feet
Weight:	90 tons
Best Clothing Style:	Blue whales don't wear clothes
Number of Drugs I have taken:	well, maybe a topical sedative, to attach the radio tag
Number of CDs I own:	Blue Whales don't buy Cds
Number of Piercings:	One, the radio tag
Number of Tattoos:	Blue Whales don't get Tattoos... yet
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	what is the square root of 12,396? Tell me now ...or die!
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Podcast 2A

Yep, Here it be. Podcast 2A. Fresh from the garden and ready for your ears.
A short rundown of what you'll hear in this here podcast...

-learn how to put on a suit
-hear some funky tuba
-the hero of canton (the man they call Jayne)
-a short story about an absurd lieutenant
-some lilting acoustic guitar
-learn about Saturn's moons
-Mail Call!
-building a rocket ship

Yes, it's all here in Podcast 2A.

(it should also be noted that this podcast has multiple personality disorder)

As always, you can subscribe here:

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Podcast 1B

Yes, Podcast 1B is finally out. And this time, there was planning involved.

My goal is to bang out 2-3 podcasts every month (from now on), and for each podcast I will write, perform, and record an original poem, story, and song.

As always, they will lean more towards the absurd side, the ridiculous, the abstract, and of course, the weird.

Podcast 1B focuses on the soundscape and its influence on life. The narration is calm, collected, and bumped up an octave.
I do hope you enjoy it.

If you've not yet subscribed,
you can do so by clicking here:

And now...

The top 10 reasons you should check out The Incurable Allure of Carrots Podcast:

10. You're not about to die like this.

9. it's incurably alluring

8. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish.

7. Beaver

6. Jesus told me to

5. Electronic Tuba is almost as good as the real thing.

4. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

3. It's a welcome change from the monotony of compulsively checking your e-mail, facebook, or myspace account.

2. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

1. Forty Two.

There you have it. The choice is yours.

-AP

as always, comments are welcome.
Aaron@collaboraction.org