Ok, first, I want to say, if you haven't listened to the podcast yet, wait. Another one is coming very soon. I just got a new computer and the previous podcast was pretty crappy (gimme a fuckin break, it was my first one!) so I'm recording a new one as soon as I get my mic hooked up and I figure out how the hell to record something. Otherwise it'll all be read by a computer voice, which might actually be kind of cool now that I think about it...
Anyways, here goes.
PROJECTIONS FOR THE FUTURE:
1. Outdoor streets will soon be a thing of the past in large cities. Anyone seen "iRobot?" or read anything else by Isaac Asimov, for that matter? Yeah. Streets are history. Here's what's gonna happen--
In large cities, such as my beloved home of Chicago, Illinois, there's no more room to build. As the years go on, and expansion continues, high rises will begin to grow together, branching out over the crowded city streets, and in the end covering them all together. It's already starting to happen in New York, Seattle, Chicago, and Des Moines (what the hell?)
I don't know why the hell Des Moines is doing this, but hey, we all loved the little engine that could, right?
2. THE ICE CAPS ARE MELTING, PEOPLE!
It's true, and if you don't believe it, fucking step outside. It's the middle of December and it's 60 degrees. Doesn't that seem a little wrong to you?
I understand I'm in the midwest, and yes, the weather here is erratic, but fuck, we're all gonna die.
Ok, maybe not die, but lots of other animals will. The polar regions will continue to get warmer, making it impossible for the phytoplankton and zooplankton that feed the majority of the animals in the arctic and antarctic regions to continue living. Their consumers will perish, and suddenly no one can find any polar bears.
Also, floating ice melting means water levels rising elsewhere. I'm not just talking about New York and Florida. If you have a condo in Venice, sell it.
Appalachia will become the new coast on the east, and everyone in southern California's gonna have to move east to the mountains, but Reno and Las Vegas will be underwater, so they'll be bored, except for the rich eccentrics who've already planned for this sort of thing, and are living in an underwater hotel in what used to be the desert. Right.
3. Life will be discovered on other planets.
Ok, so this one's on the list more out of hope than anything else. But I can back it up.
Life's not actually going to be discovered on another planet, it's going to be discovered on a moon. A moon, mind you, that is of comparable size to Earth.
And where, you ask, does such a moon exist?
around all of the Gassy Giants, doofus.
But the one I happen to be talking about is Europa, which orbits Jupiter.
Europa, Jupiter's 6th moon, is the smoothest object in the solar system. It's surface, we think, is made of sheets of ice (this is the quick "get to know Europa", mind you) and underneath that ice is believed to be a subsurface ocean. And as we all know, where there's water, there's life.
Europa was pretty important to NASA during the Galileo hype. It flew by, took lots of pictures, and did top secret things we'll never know about. Yeah.
But really, Europa is the logical next step in the search for life in our solar system. I'm not the only one excited about it. Check out:
http://www.resa.net/nasa/europa_life.htm
or, if you just want to learn about the lovely moon,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Europa_%28moon%29
4.CAPITALISM WILL FUCK US ALL UP THE ASS!
Ok, I can't say that I like it, but I can see it coming. So unless someone invents a better form of government, and finds a means to impose it on the world's greedy, we're all fucked.
for this prediction, I refer to a book by
Max Berry.This book is called Jennifer Government, and I beleive it paints a fairly realistic picture of the world to come in about 50 years if we don't all get up off our asses and do something about this goddamn product driven world.
Jennifer Government was pretty popular with the nerds and the techies. In fact, a whole online community called NATION STATES grew up around it.
http://www.nationstates.net/
The idea is that in the not too distant future, government has pretty much collapsed to the point that it serves about as much function as the royalty in Britain.
Taxes have been abolished, and corporations rule the world. Yikes.
Everyone has a job, which stands for their last name, and provides their means for existence.
i.e., if I worked for say, Intel, my name would be "Aaron Intel", and if I was fired they could legally have me executed. Doubleplus Yikes.
Anyways, the point I'm driving at is, if America and it's big allies continue to make people believe that everything can be solved with money, we might as well tattoo the barcodes on our foreheads right now.
and finally...
5. THE EGGNOG IN THE BACK OF MY FRIDGE WILL FINALLY EVOLVE INTO A SENTIENT LIFE FORM, AND KILL MY ROOMMATE
It's true. The shit's been in there for nearly a year. See, I thought he'd just bought it, because you know, it's holiday time, right? Eggnog, yay.
Turns out no. It's the eggnog I bought last year, and it's been incubating there, behind the stuffing and corn salad for over 12 months. I'm amazed the smell didn't tip us off, in fact, it appears to be odorless, which can only mean one thing. It's learned how to use deodorant.
We're screwed. We really are. Because, while I'm away for the holidays, that Nog is going to rear it's ugly head and smite Purple (my roommate) when he leasts expects it. I'm only glad I escaped in time. I tried to call and warn him, but I guess El Nog-o Del Diablo has cut the lines.
So, when I return to Chicago on the 23rd, (which happens to be my birthday), and find Purple hanging from the window with all the blood drained from his body, I'll know who did it.
Nog, if you can read this, listen up. I'm comin' after you, fucker.
