Don't

Don’t drink coffee, it’ll stunt your growth

Don’t eat candy, it’ll rot your teeth

Don’t watch TV, it’ll fry your brain

Don’t read in the dark, it’ll ruin your eyes

Don’t chew with your mouth open, it’ll disgust others

Don’t do-

-hey

Don’t interrupt, it’s rude

Don’t:

Jump on the bed, talk to strangers, use bad words, drink water before bedtime, climb on the furniture, run in the house, yell and scream inside, spit, eat raw eggs, put things that aren’t food in your mouth, walk up the slide, hit, kick, punch, be mean, steal, be a tattletale, eat cookies when no one’s watching, put your head inside a plastic bag, swim for thirty minutes after eating, talk about people behind their back, keep your place in books by folding over the corner of the page, put salt in someone’s milk, make people wait for you, be ungrateful,

Are you even listening to me? I bet you have no idea what I’m saying to you! Oh really? Well then repeat exactly what I just told you!

Don’t ever forget to write someone a thank-you-note, squirm when you’re supposed to sit still, walk inside without wiping your shoes on the mat, spoil your dinner, tease your sister, stay up after bedtime, wet the bed, forget to flush, pick your nose, wash a red sock with white shirts, forget to brush and floss, leave the phone off the hook, bang on pots and pans, eat something that’s been on the floor, litter, leave the lights on after you leave, touch the walls with dirty hands,

I swear you do that one more time and so help me god I’ll turn this car around right now and we’ll just go back home, do you hear me?!!?

Mister, don’t’ talk about things that are done in the bathroom, take advantage of those less fortunate than you, run with scissors, play in the mud, be fussy, refuse to take a bath, gargle your drink, throw rocks, stick gum under seats and tables, be impolite, feed the dog chocolate, hide your vitamins, go out when it’s cold without a coat, complain, repeat everything people say, be annoying, be obnoxious,

If they’ve told me once, they’ve told me a thousand times

Don’t you hide when it’s time to clean, put metal in the microwave, leave open jars in the fridge, hold it when you have to go, be naughty, sneeze on someone, cough without covering your mouth, walk with a sucker in your mouth, shoot rubber bands, use band-aids as a fashion accessory, pretend you’re sick when you’re not, touch light bulbs when they’re on, leave the milk out, bite jawbreakers,

And don’t be bad.

Just don’t fucking do it.